


i'll fight hell to hold you

by chxrrybomb



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mommy Kink, Mommy/little, Non Explicit, little!phiphi, mommy!sharon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23847865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chxrrybomb/pseuds/chxrrybomb
Summary: Phi Phi gets boo-ed off stage on tour, and there’s only one person she wants. Her mommy.
Relationships: Sharon Needles/Phi Phi O'Hara
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	i'll fight hell to hold you

**Author's Note:**

> if you don’t like it, don’t read it
> 
> since they’re in drag throughout the whole fic, i only use she/her pronouns and drag names. and it isn't set during any specific time or tour.
> 
> title from "i'll fight hell to hold you" by kiss

It’s the third time during this tour that Phi Phi has been boo-ed off stage. The  _ third _ time. Three times out of five shows so far, and that doesn’t even include the countless tours and shows in the years before this one. Phi Phi has gotten unnaturally used to the negative crowd response, and even though it’s never easy, sometimes she can manage to talk herself down, remind herself that she’s better than the haters and as long as she knows her worth, that’s what matters.

But tonight is different.

Maybe it’s just because it’s happened so many times in such close proximity, or maybe it’s just an inevitable breaking point, but whatever the case, Phi Phi can’t bring herself down from this one. She can’t stop the tears from pooling in her eyes, and a part of her almost didn’t want to. Maybe she deserved this pain.

Racing backstage, she makes it into the same dressing room she’d gotten ready in before she gives in to her emotions. She slams the door behind her, knowing that even if it could be heard on the main stage, no one would care. There’s a ratty couch against the far wall that smells like sex and cigarette smoke, but she doesn’t pay the smell any mind as she collapses onto it, her face buried in her knees. She thinks about de-dragging completely, but it seems like too much work than she can handle right now, so she settles for pulling the wig off her head and tossing it across the room. She suddenly feels stupid without it.

The dressing room is perhaps one of the quietest spaces in the building, but the walls are thin enough that the roaring crowd can still be heard. It’s fuzzy, but Phi Phi doesn’t need to be able to pick out voices in the mic or name what songs are playing to know that the show is going on without her, because that’s what everyone wanted. She tries to cover up her ears, hoping to drown out more of the sound, but the boos echo through her mind anyway. She can still hear the voices of the people calling out to  _ bring Sharon on _ and  _ we’re here for Sharon _ and  _ we want Sharon _ , and it’s then that Phi Phi knows why this time is so different from the others.

_ Sharon _ .

They want Sharon, and not Phi Phi. Phi Phi wants Sharon, but Sharon wants the crowd.

For the last time, she tries to fight back the tears, but they fall anyway. She doesn’t bother covering her ears to block out the cheers of the crowd anymore because the voices in her head are louder than the audience could ever be. It isn’t  _ fair, _ she thinks. She’s happy that Sharon is so successful and well loved. She deserves to be. But she doesn’t understand why everyone refuses to accept that Phi Phi isn’t a monster. She wonders what how they would feel if they could see her now, breaking down on a filthy couch, just needing her— 

Well, maybe they don’t need to know  _ that _ .

She stops the thought as she feels it creeping in. She knows exactly what she needs right now, but she also knows she isn’t going to get it. Better to not even let her mind consider the possibility. Sharon isn’t coming back here—not in the middle of the show. Not when every single person in the bar wants her. How can Phi Phi compare to hundreds of people? She can’t. Especially not when they’re providing affirmation, money, and the fuel to Sharon’s fame. All Phi Phi can do is hold her back.

The crowd suddenly roars so loud that Phi Phi doesn’t hear the door open, but the creaking sound as it closes isn’t as hard to miss. Knowing that someone else is in the room, Phi Phi feels herself getting defensive. Whoever it is doesn’t care that she’s sobbing on the couch, and if they do, they probably only care to tease her about it. There’s only one person Phi Phi wants in this room with her, and that person is the one onstage making the crowd go wild. She hears the door lock with a sharp click, and her heart stills in her chest.

When she peeks over at the door, the tears well up again, blurring her vision, and this time, Phi Phi doesn’t try to stop them. She already knows her makeup is ruined, but when her eyes meet Sharon’s, she no longer cares. Phi Phi reaches for the blonde immediately, making grabby hands for her, and Sharon wastes no time in rushing over to the couch, letting Phi Phi cling to her while she kneels on the ground.

“Baby, shh, it’s okay,” Sharon coos, stroking the back of Phi Phi’s neck. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner.” 

Phi Phi sniffles. “I didn’t think you would come back here at all,” she admits, a little ashamed that she had ever thought that.

Sharon’s strokes cease for a brief moment before she asks, “Why would you think that, baby?”

“Your show,” Phi Phi says. She thinks again about the boo-ing, and while she already knows what Mommy would tell her—boo’s are just a ghost’s way of cheering you on—it certainly didn’t feel like that. Thinking about it makes Phi Phi cry harder, and she presses her face as close as she can get it to Sharon’s neck. She tries to inhale her mommy’s comforting scent, but her nose is too stuffy and runny. The sudden awareness of that makes her pull away, horrified that she’s covering Sharon with snot. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles, looking away embarrassed.

“Baby,” Sharon coos, gently wiping a stray tear from Phi Phi’s face. “It’s nothing we can’t clean up, okay?” Phi Phi bites her lip and nods. “Stay right here, Princess. I’m going to get you some tissues.” She walks across the dressing room, but never leaves Phi Phi’s sight. The brunette allows herself to lean back into the couch cushions again until her mommy comes back. She still can’t believe Sharon left her own act to take care of her, but of course, Phi Phi has no complaints.

The blonde returns only moments later, with tissues and Phi Phi’s special pouch from her bag, and takes her original position, crouched in the couch, setting everything on the next cushion over. She dabs at her baby's runny nose with a tissue before holding it at her nose. “Can you blow for me?” she asks, and Phi Phi does as she’s told. “Good girl.” She discards the tissue, and then sits on the couch behind Phi Phi, scooping her up and into her lap. She presses a kiss to her forehead before leaning back enough to smile at her baby. 

Phi Phi looks at her with a pout. She’s already feeling better, but still far from okay. “I’m sorry, Mommy.”

Sharon runs her fingers through Phi Phi’s hair, long nails gently scratching her scalp, and the brunette feels herself relax a little more, grateful, in the end, that she decided to lose the wig. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Princess.”

“Yes, I do,” Phi Phi tells her, starting to cry again. She can feel her nose getting runny again, but as soon as she sniffles, Sharon has another tissue ready. She blows her nose again before continuing. “I let them get to me. I ran away. And I’m making you miss the show.” She looks down, chewing on her lip, and Sharon tilts Phi Phi’s face back up and places her fingers against her mouth, a signal to stop biting her lip. Again, Phi Phi does as she is told, and Sharon digs through the brunette’s special bag until she finds her favorite paci. She holds it up with a grin, and Phi Phi actually smiles back. Sharon sucks it clean before holding it out for Phi Phi, who eagerly leans in to capture the pacifier in her mouth. 

“Now, listen to me, baby. I left the stage because you needed me. Alaska took over the show, and no one had a problem with that.”

Phi Phi can’t help but pull her paci out of her mouth to point out the obvious, “But they wanted you.” She feels her tears start welling up again as all her thoughts and emotions race to the forefront. A tantrum brews in her chest, and she’s powerless to stop it. “It isn’t _fair_ , Mommy,” she tries to explain through her tears. “ It isn’t just that they didn’t want me, or that they wanted you. They wanted me to leave and to keep you for themselves.” She clings to Sharon, the fabric of the blonde’s dress wadded up in Phi Phi’s fist. “ _I_ want you more than them. _I_ _need you_ more than them. But they don’t care,” her lower lip wobbles as her sobs start to fade, and silence slowly fills the room again. 

She shifts in Sharon’s lap, embarrassed at her outburst, but the blonde keeps running her fingers through Phi Phi’s hair. Her expression is soft and patient as she eases the paci back to her baby’s mouth and grabs another tissue before wrapping her arms tight around the brunette, holding her close. Slowly, Phi Phi feels like she can breathe again.

“Shh,” she coos. “It’s okay, Princess. You trust that I always know what you need, don’t you?” Phi Phi nods. “And you trust that I will always take care of you?” Phi Phi nods again. Sharon takes another tissue and wipes up the tears before kissing each of her baby’s eyelids and then her forehead. “I would rather be back here taking care of you than up on that stage. I promised you that no matter what, when you need me, I will come running. Never forget, baby, that Mommies always keep their promises.  _ Always _ .” She smiles as she boops Phi Phi’s nose, inciting a giggle. “There’s my happy girl,” Mommy croons. She wipes her baby’s nose off once more before kissing her right on the tip where most of the makeup has already rubbed off.

Nose no longer runny, Phi Phi doesn’t hesitate before cuddling closer. Sharon’s arms wrap tight around her and pull her against her chest. Phi Phi wishes she could feel this level of comfort up on stage, or at least be in her mommy’s presence without everyone assuming they hate each other. She smiles up at her mommy, who leaves a tender kiss against her lips, and Phi Phi’s body fills with warmth. Maybe things will be different one day, but for right now, in this moment, she’s content.

**Author's Note:**

> this is some guilty pleasure writing so please, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. if you liked it, lemme know!


End file.
